User Profile

I've somehow ended up alone in this world. I've failed at everything.I have no friends. I've struggled with social anxiety problems since i started high scool. But even then I use to be passionate about things, i use to be interested in things- in life, in the world.There was hope once.Now all i have is this profound sense of lonelines and this fear i'll continue like this day after day doing nothing. This is a place for me to try and write- at least then i'll be doing something. But i guess what i want more than anything is friendship, to connect with other human beings and regain a sense of the mystery and wonder of life.

i remember once i was feeling terrible i couldn't sleep so i ran down to the beach, about half an hour from my house. it was 3' o clock in the morning. I jumped into the water with all my clothes. i looked up at the sky at the few stars i could see and i opened up my arms to them. and i somehow managed to gain a sense of peace or calm, if just for a little while. i was dead tired the next day but in the train i felt such a sense of warmth and tenderness towards my fellow human beings, especially when they looked as tired as i felt. I don't have that anymore. I can't go outside in the evening and breath in the fresh air and look up at the stars through the tree branches and feel something. remember something about the wonder. but how deeply i long for a soul friend. or even just a good friend. and for someone who can understand this deep loneliness i have felt but can not bear to live with any longer.

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